Home

Here

Here I go again,

Stumbling over to my own words;

tripping on high stilettos on cobbled stone.

Here I am,

Watching my life snoring away;

a fattened dog with little care of admin

While the world whirls past me in full speed

I fall again and again, fast I fall

Each time my face collapses intoa  mud of disappointment.

 

Here I am,

 falling on my thoughts

And life is served with skim milk

Minimalist

And yet my heart’s confusion spits sparks of punctuated sorrow and pity

Upon self

Where I lie, awake to life’s roar

and my shadow fades.

 

Here I am drowning in my desires

Heart has stopped its pulse

The city’s adrenalin rousing every toxin in me

I palpitate to the anxieties of the next moment

Alive but unaccounted

My desires drew me to the snare,

Its juicy poison that stole

My innocent passions;

lusting lips after the light has gone

I thought they said these things would make me happy?

contentment? Fulfilment, where are they?

The enough I bring is unacknowledged.

I cannot stop the cycle I have started;

an inferno it can’t be quenched

Even to the Master’s desires.

 

Time and again

a devoted nomad

You keep your walk with me

If I’d turned just once to look

I’d have seen your shadow side by side with me

I longed for someone like you

Someone who would listen

And counsel

Someone who would hold me

Someone who would make it all complete;

Making me whole.

 

A while ago,

You were there,

Like a totem you never changed your stripes

Nor left my side

It seems you knew me more than I could.

When I can’t lean on my very thoughts, feelings or experience

You turn around and show yourself

Seems after all you were all I’d ever want

And I would have cherished had I the wisdom

And I would have gripped to you tightly

had I the courage of vulnerability

Now that I know how safe it is to have, You.

 

You are here,

As I am, resting in the love you give.

I am here secure in your endless words

Time will move

Life will change

And the one thing remaining

Is my eternal cocoon  of solace

I am yours

Always and always,

You made me your own

Full desire

Safe

Purposed

Alive and nourished by love

This is love,

right here.

May 22, 2012

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One thought on “

  1. One of the hardest days of facing the fact that I am an unaccountable part of S.A’s economic fibre. How being penniless can reduce you to an emotional pulp and cause you to question your identity and worth. I have a tough time of understanding my earthly home, it unsettles me and still yet, I question its authenticity. Is it real? Where do I go? Here, I guess. Right here, with You, God.

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