I don’t believe marriage is everything that a girl hopes for in her late twenties. I am not limited to betrothal pangs of longings and netted webs of fantasies of a ‘one day prince on a white-horse’ of some sort. My close male companions, particularly the married ones warn me of the limits of time before Spinster-Ville unleashes itself on my parade. I don’t know if it’s normal to be this content that I have little worry over time and finding (…correction meeting) the one…I am just happy-to-be. It’s a space that one doesn’t map out in the year, YOU KNOW, like a leap-year but it’s a welcome season when it does arrive. I have spent some many months in years wondering if the guys I run into are ‘the one’ and absurdly being relieved when I know the answer(knowing it’s not ‘him, the one’)…even as I carry on waiting and keeping my eyes open to what may come my way. When I started being comfortable with the idea of a world with just me; my heart, my soul and my spirit as a whole part I started to dabble with the idea of contentment. It was you could say given to me more than something I pulled out of the cardboard of my belongings.
They say it just happens when you least expect it…they must have a trough of wisdom from where they speak because it’s so true. I didn’t see it coming my way. I didn’t know the way you would come. I thought I would know what you would look like, your dress sense, your character and perhaps even a hint of your interests, occupation and family line. I like most ladies have a secret shopping list of ‘The Man’ engraved in the corner of the left brain.
You’re nothing like what I know. The guys I have looked to for measure come short of your calibre. Knowing you makes me realise I hadn’t even begun to know the real thing. Everything I knew is now a shabby lie of many things pretending to be you. They guys I knew came in the right package of personality, choice and trait that I began to desire what I saw not knowing with no clear sense of direction or foresight what you would be for me. I have always known you would eventually come for my heart but I never knew you, really. You’re amazing. I am sorry for wishing you for less of your true worth. I am sorry I underrated you when you’re above everything the market can ever offer…no life cut by the umbilical can ever match to you.
The more I think about it the more I am overwhelmed. Your image funnels into the core of my soul like a long-lost relative it knows; my soul knows you, it’s like the breath that leaves my body’ each time confirming that I am alive and impacting the atomous space I am a part of. And so here you are and you wholly take over everything of me and you utterly consume me. And so as I continually think about you are more than everything I have ever been sure of; you’re more than life I would ever know. I wish I would have waited properly trusting that time would make it worth it. Now that you’re here I realise what a waste all of it was the short-term didn’t add any value to the new long-term you and I have begun.
I wish I would have waited for you enjoy the innocence of an untainted possession. I am still whole even as though I come with many wholes like seashore pockets left from drifting waters. Now that you have come I have given you more work do …not only are you adding to my life a love like no other but you are filling the cups that were untimely and unchronically poured out. The very parts you found me with even I could not fill up yet see how you have. I have needed you even when I couldn’t articulate it, somehow you are making my life concentrated and cemented. I am so content and grounded now in a love that is insatiable or changing. You my love are now my permanent season. I have needed you always and I am grateful I have found you. As we grow together I realise you understand me better than I’ll ever know myself. I love that you love me more…thank you love of my life.
Sunday, December, 3, 2012- Casuarina Beach, a moment with you.